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It’s strange: In struggling, I sometimes found myself trying to do is more explicit; it’s acting in a cute, flirty way, usually with funny faces, shrugging one’s shoulders and shaking one’s head in a child-like way, or often answering questions in a higher-pitched voice.
on the other hand is acting coy, not being outright honest. I found myself — hard as I tried, it just wasn’t in me). I even gave him hand-made chocolate on Valentine’s Day.
I just needed to have the right opportunity, and the right man, to let these ‘girlish’ traits show.
I love to interact with new people and have no problem making new friends.
I’m not exactly quiet, and I’m definitely not the ‘submissive girl’ that many people see South Korean girls as. But somehow, my personality became a problem when I started dating men in South Korea at the age of 20. I thought, is my outgoing personality — which was attractive to them in the beginning — an obstacle to developing a stable relationship? A bunch of my girlfriends had similar worries when dating South Korean men.
Many men approached me, expressing an interest in my outgoing personality. But sooner or later, they started to complain about things that energize my life, what I think are important, like interacting with people and having fun at interesting social gatherings. The biggest source of complaint was the irony of men applying different standards on their female friends and “girlfriend.” Some guys I knew loved hanging out with girls whom they called cool and funny — for example, girls who could drink two bottles of soju straight.
The more we talked about our future, the more afraid I became that I might not be his perfect life partner.
I kept on worrying about whether I could satisfy his friends or parents’ expectations of a “good woman.” My fears were not the only reason we parted ways, but they were certainly a factor.Dating him, and others before that, has allowed me to see my self-contradictions and insecurities.